Blind Date
by theearth
Summary: A Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Story... The title says everything.
1. Chapter 1

BLIND DATE

"Hermione Granger…?" When Hermione turned around, she looked into the smiling face of a young woman. "_The_ Hermione Granger...?"

Hermione sighed exasperatedly and rolled her eyes. She had forgotten to count the numerous encounters of this kind during the past months. Everywhere she was questioned about her role in the final battle, and of course about her friendship with the famous Harry Potter, whether she was more than just a friend and… and… and...

People had tried to make her acquaintance because she was the famous heroine who had killed Lucius Malfoy and had saved the Wizarding world along side her friends. Girls were talking to her because they wanted to meet Harry or Ron. Young men had asked her out just to make it to the cover of the _Daily Prophet_. Soon she had discovered that there was no real interest in her as a person, but only in what she represented. One day she had overheard a conversation. "Oh, I know, she is a heroine, but nevertheless, not the kind of woman I would like as a lover. She is pretty enough, but too bookish. I haven't understood half of the stuff she talked about. Well, and a woman who has cast the Killing Curse, that is a bit scary."

'What do they expect? A model from _Witch Weekly_, dressed in the most expensive robes, all nail polish, make-up and lipstick; the next moment turning into a house-elf, cooking them a meal and giggling at their Quidditch jokes? Ah, yes and then casting the Killing Curse, because without that I would not be famous!...And otherwise I am too scary...No, I have bloody well enough of it!'

Her friendship with Harry and Ron had continued, but they had different interests and never really understood her thirst for knowledge. Few people did, at least no one of her own age. But this was not her most serious problem. Everyone expected her to go on with her life as if nothing had happened. She had not led the life of a normal young girl. There had been attacks, there had been a war, and not only the final battle and she had grown up amidst of it. Had anybody an idea what it had been like casting the Killing Curse, though she had known it was necessary? Sometimes, she was still haunted by nightmares. Everyone thought her strong and said so. She was tired and she was tired of being strong.

Sometimes she would have given everything not to be famous and not to be recognised everywhere, to have the chance to get to know someone who would share her thirst for knowledge and who would be interested in her. Probably that wish would never be fulfilled.

She would concentrate on her career instead. She had decided to become an Auror, which included several fields of magic, she would spend some months with Minerva for advanced fields of Transfiguration. Afterwards she would continue with Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Hogwarts had become her home after the war and Minerva was not only a good superior, but also a good friend. Hermione could talk to her about things she could not discuss with her parents though, she loved them dearly. They did not know anything about the war in the Wizarding world as Hermione had concealed everything about Voldemort. Her parents would have taken her out of Hogwarts immediately had they known. Hermione spent most of her leisure time in the library.

It was at the beginning of the vacation and Hogwarts was nearly empty. Hermione stifled a yawn. She had been sitting in this chair too long and rose stretching. Magazines were piled on the floor around her chair. She had read publications on new Transfiguration Spells and on Animagi and was about to put the magazines away, when her eye was caught by a little ad. A forty-one-year-old wizard was looking for an intelligent female pen-friend, someone he could talk with about science, art and literature. Some day, a personal encounter could follow and, in case of mutual affection, a relationship could be developed. No names would be exchanged first but only pennames.

Maybe this was solution, though forty-one seemed a bit old. On the other hand, what discussions could be expected with twenty-year-old boys? In the Wizarding world, age differences did not matter that much. She summoned the Quick Quotes Quill, the equivalent to the Muggle Dictaphone, which she appreciated greatly, and wrote under a friend's name – Catherine.

Severus was bored and he felt useless. He had put his life in danger countless times as a spy for years. Everybody had considered him a traitor when he had _killed_ Dumbledore. In the final battle, it had turned out that everything had only been a fake to deceive Voldemort; Snape's name had finally been cleared. After the war, he had been awarded the Order of Merlin, Third Class. _'You could not really expect them to give the Order of Merlin, First Class to a former Death Eater, can you?'_ he sneered inwardly.

Severus Snape was not the smiling good-looking hero the newspapers liked on the covers, but an ill-favoured sour and sarcastic man with a not-too-good reputation, and so he remained in the background. His name was well known, but many people asked themselves whether he had switched sides just in time, when it had become clear that the Light would win. Some women who liked to be seen with famous men had asked him out, but that had ceased soon enough. He did not like superfluous chatter and had said so in very plain terms.

His job as a teacher did not satisfy him either. He had never really liked teaching. Tormenting the students had brought him a certain relief for the pain and stress he was put under by his role as a spy. He was haunted by the memories of his past, by the horrible things he had done in his youth as a Death Eater and was plagued by nightmares regularly. Voldemort had liked torturing his followers and Severus had endured the Cruciatus Curse, Slicing Hexes and other curses countless times. All this was over now. He should be glad, but he only felt numb. His role as a spy - dangerous and disgusting as it had been - had fulfilled a certain purpose and had filled the emptiness in his life. Now he was useless, the shell of a bitter man.

_'I have never been more than a useful tool, at first for Voldemort and then for the Order. Only Albus has seen a human being in me,'_ he thought, embittered. He had tried to convince himself that it had not mattered. But it had and it still did. It was not easy to admit to himself, but he was lonely. He had always been a solitary man, but had reached certain contentment with his books and his research. Now he felt that this was not enough. He wanted friendship in his life, something he had not allowed himself over the years as a spy, because that would have meant he had to trust someone. He wanted someone he could lead an intelligent conversation with and, yes, he wanted a woman in his life. He had buried his feelings inside for years. Sometimes he wasn't even sure if there were feelings inside, perhaps permafrost was all that was left. In his youth, there had been one girl he had liked, more than liked and become guilty of her death, a fact he had been trying to atone for years. Would any woman want him now?

When he looked in the mirror, he saw a sallow face, uneven yellow teeth, an overlarge crooked nose, greasy hair and a deep scowl, none of which something women liked. He had to face the facts. He was no handsome man, would never be, and even in his youth no woman had paid him a second look. Severus sighed and grinned at his own reflection. The only thing he could improve would be his hair. It was limp and the fumes of the potions did not improve that, yes and maybe a whitening charm for his teeth. _Not that any decent woman would have kissed you with glossy hair and white teeth! You look like the perfect bad guy: ugly, scowling and always clad in black. Well, and you are not really famous for your charming personality, are you? No fluffy bunny! Oh yes, the Byronic hero, the dark brooding type, whatever that means; that is definitely not you!_ Women were not interested in him, but in their own imagination of him. Could they imagine what he had done as a Death Eater and later on as a double agent?

But, at one point, there was no doubt: He was an intelligent, even brilliant man. In this case he had no reason to be self-conscious. Maybe a pen-friend would be the right way to get to know someone. He would put an ad in the newspaper. He would offer intelligent conversation, no real names or personal background would be mentioned, no photo sent. In his past, he had never received letters and he did not want his colleagues to ask questions. So he made sure that they would not be delivered in the Great Hall but to his private quarters.

When the first letters arrived, he was disappointed. Some of the witches were married, some were only looking for company, and the orthography and style of some letters were of a sort that he shuddered and asked himself what kind of conversation he could lead with such a person. Only one letter seemed to be interesting. As to the handwriting, he could not say anything because she had used a Quick Quotes Quill. But she was only twenty; what should he do with such a chit? He had to admit that her style was intriguing and in lack of other interesting letters, he decided to write back. Yes, the use of a Quick Quotes Quill was definitely a good idea; his cramped, spidery handwriting could not be read by most people.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Hermione was thrilled. She was looking forward to every letter of her pen-pal, Demetrius. They had corresponded for five months now, and it had brought a sparkle and joy in her life she had not thought possible. They did not always agree in their discussions on the various topics, quite on the contrary. Sometimes these conversations resembled duels, not with swords, but with words as foils. He was very intelligent and had a dry wit. Though he could also be very funny, his comments were often full of cynicism.

_He is forty-one after all, and he must have had some rather bad experiences, too, _she mused. That would not be a disadvantage. She knew they understood each other on an intellectual level; perhaps a man like him would be able to understand that she had experienced more than the normal twenty-year-old witch, that she had a past. She also wondered if she would feel something for him. Friendship was more than many people had, but she knew she wanted more. Would there also be a physical attraction, a certain chemistry?

They had agreed to meet in a Muggle restaurant and hotel in Cornwall, where they would spend a weekend together. Yet Hermione did not want him to know who she was; she did not want to be looked at as a heroine but as a _normal _woman. She would make sure a possible relationship would not be spoiled and decided to write him.

_Dear Demetrius!___

_I am looking forward to this weekend, but I have to ask for a favour first. I have a special reason for wearing a glamour, which would change my voice and hair, the shape of my nose and face. I assure you – I have no warts and no hunchback! Just kidding! I ask you to trust me and I promise to tell you later on, if we agree to continue this.___

_Yours,___

_Catherine_

Several days later, she received the answer from Demetrius. He accepted her request and told her that he would not change his outer appearance at all and that he was tall and black-haired. She knew from his letters that he was very confident and probably, as he would not change his appearance, very handsome too.

Hermione knew the little Muggle restaurant from visits with her parents, and during this part of the year it was not crowded. Only an elderly couple and a young woman were sitting in the restaurant exept for a man with long black hair, who was sitting with his back to the door. She breathed in deeply and went to the table.

"Demetrius?" she said, and he turned around and rose to face her. Her eyes grew wide: Her Demetrius was Professor Snape!

Her mind raced. Had he found out? No, if he had, he would never have agreed to meet her. He really had not known who she was. She had to get away as soon as possible, without appearing to be rude. She cleared her throat and smiled nervously. "Demetrius? I am Catherine." _Obviously you are Catherine! Pull yourself together! Calm down, just calm down. You survived Voldemort; you can survive a couple of hours with Professor Snape. There is no need to be anxious. He does not know who you are. _

Severus saw her surprised face when he turned around. He had his reasons for not wearing a glamour. He wanted to find out whether this young witch would be able to accept what she would see – an ugly man. Maybe she was just nervous; this might be their first and their last meeting, and it would remain an interesting pen-friendship, but nothing else. Severus offered her a chair. "I am more than glad to meet you, Catherine." He smiled at her.

Hermione was stunned. That smile was amazing. She had never thought that this man _could _smile, well, other than in a menacing and dangerous way. She had seen his sneers and smirks over the years; she had experienced his anger and rage, but never a real smile. This smile lit his face in a way she had not thought possible. His voice also sounded completely different; she remembered his dismissive and acerbic remarks from class, silky but cold. Now this voice was tender and velvety. She studied her vis-à-vis; Snape's hair was not greasy as usual, but shiny. He wore Muggle clothes, black jeans and a black formfitting shirt, he looked nearly handsome, well, not really handsome-- he was still Severus Snape. However, did it matter? With these thoughts, she smiled back with warmth and their eyes locked.

During dinner, they became more and more at ease with each other and forgot all about the awkward beginning. Hermione's first urge to excuse herself as soon as possible had disappeared completely. Hermione recognised _her_ Demetrius and found herself laughing and enjoying the presence of the man who had been the bane of her existence so long, and she realised that she had not known him at all. He had laughed with her - a real laughter - and his eyes, she only knew piercing and filled with disgust, were warm and open. Even, when she had learned about his role as a spy and had trusted and defended him, when her friends had called him names, she had not once noticed that there was a person behind the teacher and spy everyone assumed to know. For most members of the Order, he had been a useful tool, but nobody had taken the time to look behind the facade, not that it would have been easy. She felt ashamed. But she felt more than shame. Listening to his voice and looking in his eyes made her stomach lurch and her heart beat faster. _That sexy voice! And these eyes! Severus Snape – sexy? Hermione, you are crazy. You can't feel something for Professor Snape. He has been your teacher for years. You know him. You are definitely crazy! _But the feeling didn't wear off – and somehow she did not want it to wear off.

_The way she looks at me…She does not mind me being ugly, _Severus thought. He did not have much experience with matters of the heart, but he knew this was worth a try. During the past months, Severus had told himself repeatedly not to raise his expectations too high. Yes, he had enjoyed their letters; she was intelligent, funny and seemed to be warm-hearted. He had never thought that the discussions with a twenty-year-old witch could be that challenging. Catherine had never backed down, something he appreciated very much because most people avoided his presence or ducked down at his sarcastic remarks. At first, he had been astonished how well she could even deal with sarcastic or cynic comments. She was only twenty years old after all. Though he had tried to be nice in his letters, he did not want to put on an act. What would be the use of being Prince Charming at first when she would soon have to deal with the other side of a personality he would not, could not hide?

He had hoped that there would also be a physical chemistry – and there was!. _You are feeling like a maudlin hormonal teenager. She is wearing a glamour; how can there be a chemistry? It is illogical, unless...Could it be possible that you have found your soulmate by this ad? _, he mused, confused. If it were so, she would feel the same as he does. He would find out.

Severus was aware that his typical Slytherin behaviour would not lead to his goal. He had to choose the direct approach and harrumphed. "When I read your first letter, I was not sure whether a twenty-year-old witch could be my intellectual equal, but, since I met you, that has not been an issue again. For now, my question is…I would like to see you again, Catherine, if you also feel that there is more than just our intellectual understanding. If not, I would however like to continue our pen-friendship, I have come to enjoy very much."

At this moment, Hermione knew she should say _'no'_ and walk away, but when she looked in Severus' eyes, she could not and did not. She felt mesmerised. Yes, she wanted to see him again. When she was honest to herself, she had never had an equal within the boys or men of her own age. Nevertheless, she had never thought of Severus Snape as a man before. He had been a teacher, a neuter. That had changed, definitely changed. What would he say if he knew who she was? She was confused, but she wanted to get to know the man she had met today, the different side of Severus Snape. When she looked at him now, she saw warmth in his eyes; the black pools that had sneered at their surrounding for years did something to her she could not yet describe. Though her rational mind told her to break up immediately, she forced that voice to the back of her head. It was madness and could only lead to a disaster, but at this moment, she did not care. 

They talked for hours and then went for a walk to the cliffs. After Severus helped Hermione climb a steep path, he somehow forgot to let go of her hand. She did not resist. On the top of the cliff, his hands found their way around her waist, drawing her slowly closer. Hermione felt a tingle in her neck and spine she could not describe. She felt his hands around her, felt the heat of his body near her. His subtle scent was of sandalwood and spices. She dared not move as he tilted her face up to him. His fingers brushed against her neck; the silky touch made her shiver. Still giving her time to refuse, he placed a gentle kiss on her mouth. His soft lips brushed against hers, lingered at her lower lip. When he found no resistance, he captured her mouth more forcefully. His tongue slid between her parted lips. Hermione moaned, her knees shaking; she felt dizzy. How could a simple kiss make her feel like that? Her arms went around his neck, her hands tangling in his hair. Her tongue found his; she could not think, only feel. He tasted wonderful. Severus gasped at her touch and shivered. _A kiss, only a kiss, how could...? _

For some minutes they stood motionless, holding each other tightly. 

Hermione watched him carefully during the week at Hogwarts. He was the same distant man as ever, though he seemed less tense and obviously had tried to improve his outer appearance. Like their encounter in Cornwall, his hair was no longer greasy, but shiny, and he seemed to have noticed that other colours besides black existed. Once he wore a deep green shirt. She also noticed that he deducted less points from the different houses. When Fridays approached, he seemed to be in excellent mood; well, he wasn't sneering or shouting at anyone. For Severus Snape, that was an excellent mood.

Even when she had admired only his brilliancy, she had considered him supercilious and callous. Only when she had learnt what he had suffered during his time as a double agent, she had concluded that his behaviour was a kind of self-preservation. However, he had not only been the victim, he had also been a culprit. He had been a dangerous man, maybe still was. What was part of his character right now and what not?  
_You have to think it over level-headedly. You have never believed in love at first sight. You have known Severus Snape for years! Of course, he would show his best side to his pen-pal, but you also know about his other side._

How was it possible that she developed feelings for him now? She could not lie to herself; she was falling for Severus Snape. There was no way to think of him as handsome, but she had never been that interested in pretty faces, well, since Professor Lockhard in her second year. But at the time, she had been only twelve. She thought of Severus' voice, his smile, his hands in her hair and around her waist. Even now, at the thought of his kiss, a shiver crawled down her spine. Was she really prepared for a relationship with this man? But when she contemplated their time in Cornwall, she realised that the decision had already been made; maybe she was not prepared, but she wanted this man.

Severus had not pushed her towards revealing her real appearance, though he wondered why she had continued wearing a glamour after their first encounter. They would talk about it later on. How would she look? She had a nicely shaped figure, but more important – she cared for him. The glamour did not change her eyes and he was glad for that. He liked her eyes, and they had looked at him in a way no one had before. She knew what he looked like and she had accepted it. For the first time in his life, Snape felt happy and that confused him. He had never expected himself to react like this, had never expected any woman to react to his touch like she had. She had trembled and had returned his kiss.

When he had decided to put an ad in the newspaper, he had not thought something like this possible. He had expected appreciation and friendship which might lead to love one day. Love at first sight was a fairy tale, at least for a man who looked like he did. And now he had held a young passionate witch in his arms, one who had kissed him the first time they had met. Even the memory of her body in his arms sent an electric jolt to his loins. She wanted to see him again, and she would be his.

They had agreed to meet next weekend to get to know each other better. Still there had not been a mention of their real names, families or their past, though Severus felt the urge to tell her some details of his past. He had so looked forward to the weekend, but now he became uncertain and erratic. She only knew him from their discussions, she knew him as funny and witty, and he knew he could be. But that was only part of him. It had never been important to him what people thought of him and whether he was liked or not; now he felt anxious that she would be disgusted if she knew about his past. He was sure that she had not recognised him. His name was well known, but his picture had only been in the newspaper once, and he had always been a man who had liked to stay in the background. Severus felt his stomach lurch at the thought of revealing his past to her, but he knew he had to tell her; he would because she was worth it. He was afraid she would leave, but had to take the chance. Even if she could forgive him in the actions of his youth, would she be able to deal with him now? _This is not only your past, this_is_ you, _a voice in his head whispered. Telling her about his past would only be the first step. Though he was a hero of the war, he was far from being a knight in shining armour.

Hermione felt a difference in his demeanour the moment she arrived; there was a certain determination in his eyes. When they had finished their meal, they went for a walk again. Severus remained silent for a long time, not sure how to begin. Finally, he took her hand.

"We have to talk."

Hermione met his gaze not knowing what to think of it. Maybe he had contemplated this type of relationship and had decided not to continue. It would be the most reasonable solution, but her heart felt different. He looked at her sternly and tried to clear his throat.

"Catherine, we agreed not to mention our background or similar personal information, but there are things I have to tell you, things I am not proud of, things that might make you leave. There is a dark side I would not reveal if I did not think it necessary. I am not a nice man and there is more… there is no way to sugarcoat it. In my youth, I was a Death Eater."

Hermione's face was unreadable; she did not seem repulsed though she did not answer immediately. Her heart raced. He was so honest with her, he wanted a relationship with her and he was revealing his dark past to her, and what had she done? She had deceived him from the beginning of their first meeting. She had dared to give him hope, a hope she could not fulfill. Tears welled from her eyes, and she began to sob violently.

Not daring to touch her, Severus stood helplessly in front of her; he should have expected her reaction. She would leave. But then she looked up and whispered, "It is not what you think, I like you so much. I have fallen in love with you."

With a quick movement, Severus took her in his arms and held her tightly, then tilted her head up to him and looked in her eyes. Their gaze locked and he felt a pang in his heart. He kissed her passionatly, putting all his hope and his longing in his kiss.

His arms around her felt so good. His kiss felt so good. He felt so good. She was dizzy and exhilarated and sad and happy and desperate. It felt so right and it was so wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was wrong. What had she done? There would be no way for carefully getting to know him and later on telling him who she was. Severus had fallen in love with her; he would never have told her about his past otherwise. That was obvious and she, yes, she had fallen in love with him, too. There was no use lying to herself. Though he had only kissed her, she had felt a passion and fire in her heart and in her whole body. She had been kissed before; it had been nice, but nothing mind-blowing. This had been completely different. It was lunacy! From the beginning everything had gone wrong. She had been overwhelmed by the feelings he had created in her. She had pushed away any clear thought, any rationality to indulge selfishly in these feelings. She should have walked away. She had to leave his life before more damage would be done. She had to end this; she would write a last letter to him.

_Dear Severus! __  
__Yes, I know your name. I know who you are. We have met, that is all I can say, and this will be my last letter -- we can never meet again. I know what you will think, but you are wrong. I do not leave because of your past, I leave because I know you will never forgive me that I have deceived you. I should have left when I recognised you in the restaurant. I expected you would sneer at me as usual, and then you turned out to be the Demetrius I knew from our letters. I felt drawn to you and I began to like the way you looked at me. I liked your voice and your touch. I fell in love with you. When you told me about your past you were honest, and I had lied. It tears me apart to leave you, and I cannot bear the thought of seeing you and knowing I have lost you, but there is no other way. I have never loved before, but I am certain that you would never like me, least of all love me. I can only hope that you may forgive me one day. I never meant to hurt you. A part of me remains with you. I will never forget you._

Hermione could not continue the letter; it hurt too much. Tears welled from her eyes, leaving spots on the paper. Without rereading it, she called an owl and bound the letter to its leg. As soon as the owl had spread its wings and left, Hermione noticed that she had made a traitorous mistake.

Severus sat motionless. When the owl had arrived, he had been sure that this would be about their next appointment. Only the first sentences sank in, and he realised that she had left his life for good. In blind fury, he crumpled the letter in his fist and hurled it against the wall. _Did you really think that fate would be good to you once in your life? She has lied to you. She is superficial like all the other women. And you thought she had fallen in love with you.You have made a fool out of yourself, Severus Snape. She has mocked you._ If he only knew who she was, he would tell her! But the only things he knew about her were that she was twenty years old and the most intelligent woman he had ever met, yes, intelligent but obviously not willing to welcome a former Death Eater in her life. He would never be able to find her unless... He grabbed the crumpled letter and read it again.

Severus Snape narrowed his eyes. She had made a mistake! There, in her letter _...sneer at me as usual.'_ They had not only met, they had met regularly. Why had he not thought of it before? His intellect had been clouded by his feelings. She was twenty years old and if she had not attended a foreign school, she must have been at Hogwarts, she must have been his student. Of course, it was not only a matter of superficiality! She had recognised him at the restaurant and had taken the opportunity to get back at her former Potions master. He knew that the students hated him, not that he cared. She had deliberately seduced him, had put on an act to make him believe she had fallen in love with him. She must have found it very amusing when he had told her about his past. Severus Snape reduced to a hormonal teenager! And he had even thought he had found his soul mate. Now she had got cold feet and had written a letter to embellish it. Anger and hatred welled up, his lips curled sneeringly. He would find out who she was and make sure as hell she would pay.

Which of his former students could...all of them had been dunderheads...except...Severus froze. That was not possible! He read the letter again – there! _'... seeing you and knowing I have lost you.' _She was still at Hogwarts. And there was only _one_ of his former students who was still at Hogwarts - Hermione Granger!

He knew next to nothing about her. She had always been a loner, and she had the highest N.E.W.T.s the school had ever seen, higher than his own. He knew that she had not participated in the foolish games the other girls of her age played; he had never heard her giggling. The only thing he was sure about was that Hermione Granger would _never_ fall in love with him. How could she? She had experienced his behaviour first hand for seven years. It was simply not possible. Hermione Granger had reason to believe he disliked her. She had been a member of the Golden Trio and he had extended his dislike of glorious Potter to dumb Mr. Weasley and know-it-all Granger.

Then again, she had always been polite and respectful. He knew that she had defended him several times when her friends and other members of the Order had said that he could not been trusted. Even after Albus' faked death, she had stated that there had to be more than the obvious and had refused to condemn him. He had never considered her character anything but blunt and honest, too blunt, the Gryffindors lacked subtlety.

She had not known his identity until they had met in Cornwall. That would explain her surprised expression at the restaurant. But why had she continued the charade? She was not the kind of woman to get revenge on him that way. He blinked. Could it really...? Had she written the truth? His hands trembled when he read the letter time and again, and he remembered her eyes and her kisses. No, she had not lied to him.

But if his Catherine were in fact Hermione Granger, would he want her? _Boy, you are biased! You wanted her before! You hoped not to be judged by your looks and your past, and here you consider pushing away the only woman you have feelings for because of some stupid prejudices that haunt you from your past._ He would make certain whether his suspicion was correct and if it were so, he would not let her go.

At the usual staff meeting, he took a chair opposite to her seat and watched her carefully through his curtain of black hair. Years as a spy had trained him well, and he made sure she would not notice. He put a scowl on his face and pretended to be deep in his thoughts. She had not looked at him when he had entered, but when she thought he did not notice she looked at him with red-rimmed eyes; it was only a short glance and she looked away quickly, but he had seen her eyes, had seen the regret and the longing. It was her, Hermione Granger was his Catherine. Still, he did not understand how she have could have fallen in love with him.

When he was back in the silence of his dungeons, he contemplated what to do. How would she react if he confronted her? Would she simply try to deny it, would she even give up her apprenticeship just to avoid seeing him again? That would be possible; she had said she did not expect him to like her and he could clearly see why. He _had _been cruel, he _had _been mean, there was no way to palliate it. Flashes of the past came to his mind _'Do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all... I see no difference.'_ Severus Snape knew he was not a nice man. Part of it had been an act to deceive Voldemort and the other Death Eaters, but part of this had been him. It still was him. He was someone driven by prejudices; he had really enjoyed the hexes Draco Malfoy had thrown at Potter in the Dueling Club in second year. He had enjoyed every detention and every failing grade he could give Potter, and he had handled Hermione in an unfair manner, simply because she was Potter's friend. When she had become Minerva's apprentice, he had been civil in his usual way meaning that he barely talked to her; well, he barely talked to anybody. Now he should confess his love to her? She would not believe him; instead she would probably believe that she was being mocked. 

There was no way for a direct approach. He would not lie to himself, he wanted her and he would have her. She had evoked feelings he had buried for twenty years, since Lily's death. He would have to find a way; he was Slytherin, for Merlin's sake. Fortunately, she would have to work with him for her training as an Auror in two weeks. He would await his time and try to gain her trust.

Hermione felt relieved. Obviously, he had not noticed her mistake; probably he had burnt the letter immediately, too angry or offended. What would she have done if he had found out? He would have insulted her. It had always been obvious how he loathed Harry Potter and that loathing carried over to Harry's friends. It had not been his offer to complete her training as an Auror. It had been Minerva who had convinced or rather talked him – he had said once it had very nearly been blackmail – into teaching her. He would have made her life living hell if he had found out that she had been _Catherine_. She could have explained if she had ended the pen-friendship after the first encounter, but how would she have been able to explain what had followed?

She had seen the scowl on his face, and the tension that had been around him all the years was back. She should be glad that she had not had much contact with Severus Snape before; it would have hurt too much to talk to him as if nothing had happened. She would try not to think of what could have been. She would try to forget his tender voice and his kiss. That would be difficult as part of her training as an Auror included Potions, and that part of the training was two weeks away. She considered leaving Hogwarts, but also knew that it would be nearly impossible to get a new apprenticeship. She would be asked why she had left and could give no explanation. Perhaps, she tried to convince herself, since Severus Snape was a very distant person, they could work together without talking very much, perhaps that would do. 

Sleep eluded her. Dreamless Draught was no solution; it was addictive. Every morning when she sat at the breakfast table in the Great Hall, she felt the stinging pain in her head and knew the headache would increase during the day. She did not feel hungry either and only pushed the food around her plate.

Whenever they met accidentally, she tried to escape as soon as possible and to avoid Severus' gaze. _Don't look at him, just don't look at him. You have known this man for years; you know all his sneering, his scathing remarks and his pettiness, why can't you just go back? You have to try; you have to move on. Only a short time and you will never see him again! Yes, you will concentrate on your work. Merlin, what if he gets suspicious! _

This morning, her training with Severus Snape would begin. Again, she noticed the dark circles under her eyes and tried to put on a smile. _Just try once more, you have to convince people that everything is okay. Yes, that's much better._ Not that Severus Snape would probably notice. He had never really looked at her and for now, she was nearly relieved that he had not.

Nevertheless, she had to be careful. He was a skilled Legilimens. When Hermione entered the lab, she saw the usual expression on his face. They worked together silently, but sometimes she had the feeling that he was watching her. When Hermione finished her first potion and showed it to Snape, he arched an eyebrow and smirked.

"Well, that is acceptable, Miss Granger, maybe you won't end up a complete failure."

That was as close to a compliment as she had ever heard from Snape. When she glanced up, she noticed that Severus Snape was looking directly into her face. His expression did not betray any emotions though he was not wearing his usual scowl or customary dourness. He did not say anything else which puzzled Hermione when she left that evening.

The next day Hermione could no longer pretend not to notice the difference. He was as quiet as usual, but made no scathing remarks about her work or ignored her. _What is wrong? Has he noticed something? Has he seen how I look at him?_ Not paying attention to her surroundings, she nearly pulled away, when she felt his breath at her ear and heard his silky voice.

"Are you finished, Miss Granger?" She looked up to his face and saw a tiny smile on his lips. _He knows! _

"You know?" she whispered and paled. He did not say anything, only met her gaze. "You know," she repeated and fled from the lab.


	4. Chapter 4

**Please read my author's notes at the end of the chapter and pleeease submit a review. Thanks to all of you who already did.**

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**Chapter 4**

Hermione ran to her rooms and stumbled to her bed. Severus had known that she was _Catherine_ but had not said a word. Why not? If he had noticed after her final letter and had forgiven her because he cared for her, he would have told her immediately; obviously, he did not love her. Then again, he must have been furious when he had found out but had not insulted her either; he had not been rude and had not changed his behaviour. Instead of taking action, he had waited until she would have to work with him. He had not punished her, but had only smiled at her. What did that mean? In the past a smile from Severus Snape had been something nobody would have looked forward to, but rather an omen of impending doom.

Hermione froze in shock at her realisation her hands trembling: Only one conclusion was possible -- he had known from the beginning. She did not know how he had found out, but it was obvious. Perhaps her style of writing and her age had been tell-tale. Everything fell in place. The differences between the Severus Snape she had known for years and the Severus she had met in Cornwall – she should have become suspicious. Everything had been planned by him to humiliate her and to show her how easy it was to deceive her. His tenderness, his kiss, everything had been a lie! She should have known; Snape had been a spy for years. He was a great actor; he must have been to deceive Voldemort for such a long time. When he had told her about his past as a Death Eater he must have been laughing inwardly. It had been a sick game to appeal to her Gryffindor sense of compassion. She should be glad she had ended the affair with her letter. She knew that she even would have even slept with him at their next encounter. His seductive voice had evoked feelings in her body that she had never known; she would have been unable to resist him. She did not dare to imagine his smirks afterwards. Harry had been right; he had always warned her how sly Severus Snape was. There was no other side of Severus Snape. He was a monster!

She felt as if she could no longer breathe properly as she felt the magnitude of his betrayel and hatred. She had defended that cruel man for years, and now had even fallen in love with him. As it turned out he was just as devious as everyone said. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks. Finally, she got up, her face set with resolve. She would not be laughed at; she would not let him gloat. Hermione wiped the tears off her face and splashed cold water on her eyes and forehead. 

Then she returned to Snape's lab. He was still there and turned around, when he heard the door. "Hermione..." Hermione cut him off: "There is no need for a first-name basis, Professor Snape," she answered in a low voice which she barely recognized as her own. "You knew from the beginning. You were successful in humiliating me. Are you proud of having proven how easy it is to manipulate the little Gryffindor chit?"

"Hermione just let me…" She heard the hoarse voice of Severus Snape, but she was determined not to let him reach his goal and sneered:

"What have I done to you, Professor Snape? Is this kind of a revenge on Harry Potter to hurt his friend? We will have to work together for several weeks. I would be grateful if you could restrict your remarks to this work. I will be here every morning and will wait for your assignments. I think you will understand that aside from our work, I have no further inclination to ever talk to you again." She nodded curtly and left not giving him any opportunity to answer.

Severus sat down hard on his chair devastated. How could she think he had ridiculed her? He had considered it a good idea to wait until he would work with her and it had turned out a disaster. She would give him no further possibility to explain. Of this he was certain. He was cursed to be alone!

In his life, Severus had never drunk much alcohol. He had always despised drunkards and considered them weaklings who did not know how to manage their lives. This evening, however, he was grateful for the quantities of Firewhisky in his closet. Every year at Christmas, his colleagues bestowed him some bottles of fine alcohol not knowing what else to buy for him. When he sat in his armchair, pouring one whisky after the other he realised that he was, in fact, drunk but only felt more lonely and sad. No, he would not become a weeping lovesick drunkard. But what would he do now? She would not talk to him; he would never have the chance to convince her of his love.

Severus Snape did not attempt to talk to Hermione again; he knew it would be useless. Not once did she look him in the face. Her gaze always passed over him as if he were a stranger, indifferently and matter-of-factly, and her face did not betray any feelings. Obviously they had not been that deep, he mused; Gryffindors had never been able to hide their emotions. Probably it was only her pride which was hurt. He had risked to open his heart and had failed once more. He would not try again. Soon the students had to discover that the _old_ Snape was back, worse than ever if that was possible. They walked around him very lightly as he seemed to deduct points now simply for breathing too loudly.

Hermione felt numb. For the first time in her life she had fallen in love and everything had turned out to be a delusion. It hurt so much; maybe it was safer not to care at all. She had reached heaven and had ended up in hell. If this was the result of love she would make sure she would never fall in love again. Hermione decided to protect herself and she withdrew from everyone and everything. She had always been ambitious and studious; now it became an obsession.

Frowning, Minerva McGonagall watched Hermione and sighed. During the past few weeks she had noticed how taciturn Hermione had become, taciturn and somehow changed. At first she had thought Hermione was working too much as usual, but somehow this was different. She could not put her finger on it; Hermione's jaw was firmly set and sometimes Minerva thought she noticed a certain bitterness in the girl's eyes. Most people would not have noticed, but Minerva McGonagall cared. She knew that Hermione had answered to an ad in _Witch Weekly_ and had exchanged letters with a wizard for several months. Obviously this did not work well. Minerva had hoped Hermione would turn to her and tell her, but this hope had been in vain. Hermione had always been more than her favourite brilliant student; she considered her the daughter she had never had and she wanted to help the girl. So she asked her to remain after dinner and made her sit down on a nearby armchair.

"Hermione, dear, please talk to me. Something is troubling you. Is it about your pen pal? Did he let you down?" she urged.

Hermione face was pale; she looked down on her hands and finally said, "Minerva, I am very glad to have you as my friend, but this is something I have to deal with myself. You are right; this is about the man I used to write to. I fell in love with him, more than I could possibly say, but he deceived me. Please forgive me, but I cannot tell you more."

Minerva saw Hermione's determined expression and decided not to push further. "Hermione, if you ever change your mind, I would be very glad to help you." Hermione knew that Minerva was worried and was glad see how she cared for her, but she could not talk with her about Snape. He was a teacher and Minerva his superior. If confronted, he would deny everything. What good would come of this? Only a few weeks were left and then the first part of her training as an Auror was finished. She would attend university and would not see Snape again for a long time -- until the final exams. Time would heal her wounds and she would forget what he had done to her.

Three weeks later Hermione Granger left Hogwarts with the highest marks an apprentice had ever achieved, trying not to think of the man she had fallen in love with and who had betrayed her.

Nearly two years later, Severus Snape returned from his annual vacation. He detested that vacation nearly as much as teaching but taking the vacation was the only possibility of escaping the pestering attention of Minerva McGonagall who had never taken a leave since her first year as a teacher at Hogwarts. After the first staff meeting Minerva McGonagall asked Severus to stay behind when the others left.

"Your skills are needed, Severus. I regret to do this to you on your first day back but I was not able to contact you sooner. You have to help the Ministry again with the final lessons and the exams of a new Auror, as you are one of the most skilled wizards in this field. I received an urgent owl from the Ministry, and I'm very sorry the Auror in training will arrive today."

Snape growled. This training was extremely exhausting and included lessons in Occlumency and also something more dangerous few people knew about. Aurors were entitled to cast the Unforgivable Curses and this had to be practiced.

"I know, Headmistress, it is necessary, but nevertheless I wished you could look for someone else in future, I would also recommend that the Ministry choose the candidates for an Auror more carefully; some of them seem to have a penchant for cruelty, "Snape snarled.

"A fact you should not have any problems with, Professor Snape," a cold voice came from behind and when he turned around he looked in the stern face of Hermione Granger. Her face showed no sign of a smile, her hair was tied back in a tight braid and she was dressed in black robes. "I think I will see you at dinner where we can discuss our schedule. I appreciate your sacrifice of time and have already talked about this with Professor McGonagall. I could teach one of your classes in Potions, perhaps the first years if you are not too keen on your usual speech about foolish wand waving." She nodded curtly and turned away to greet Minerva McGonagall, just as if Severus Snape did not exist.

After only a short time, it had become obvious that Hermione Granger had changed indeed; she was polite towards her former professors, but did not associate with any of them except Minerva McGonagall. She also seemed to have a quite different personality. Snape overheard the complaint of a first year. "I've never thought anyone could be as mean as Professor Snape, but this woman is. She deducts points only because she hates Slytherins. They should marry; they would be a wonderful couple."

Her attitude towards Severus Snape was obvious. He was the only one she did not address with his first name and she only talked to him when necessary. Her behaviour could not be called rude, but it was highly visible that she did not like him.

"Severus, I need to talk to you; would you join me after dinner?" Minerva McGonagall said and Snape followed her into the office. Minerva offered a cup of tea and came straight to the point. "I have noticed the tension between you and Hermione Granger. She has never treated anybody like that. What have you done to her? Is there something I should know?" she asked.

"If you are alluding to her different behaviour it is obvious that her attitude towards all of us has changed. As I have always refused to be a member of the know-it-all-fan-club, I am the wrong person to be asked," Severus replied smoothly. Professor McGonagall sighed. "I know she has changed. She had to deal with a great disappointment two years ago and it seems that has changed her more than I feared. Well, I will give her some time until I speak to her. Her attitude must not influence the ambience in this school."

When Hermione had left Hogwarts, she had been determined to protect herself and not to decide anything in the future based solely on her emotions, and she had stuck to that decision. University had done nothing to convince her otherwise. Her brilliant mind and her ambition had always separated her from her fellow students. In the first few weeks, she had been too bitter and unhappy to join the others and afterwards it had been too late. They had already put her down as arrogant and Hermione had done nothing to rectify this impression. If they did not accept her the way she was, so what? In a way, their behaviour confirmed what she had experienced before. She had met with Harry and Ron on several occasions, received the usual Christmas cards and a letter now and then, but neither of them had ever asked whether she was happy or not. They were busy with their own plans, and Hermione realised that what she had considered friendship had been only sort of a companionship and being thrown together in their fight against Voldemort, but little more. 

Hermione made her way through university as a loner and came back to Hogwarts convinced she was prepared for the encounter with Severus Snape. How wrong she was! Nothing had changed. Seeing him again was worse than she had imagined. The two years of absence had obviously not helped at all to assuage the pain which had so suddenly overwhelmed her again. Not that anybody would have been able to tell. The young Gryffindor had become a woman every Slytherin would be proud of. No flicker in her eyes betrayed any of her feelings.

In the lessons with Snape, there was no comment on their shared past. She did not ask any questions that were not directly connected to the tasks they were working on. It was commonly known that Aurors were entitled to cast the Unforgivables, but it had remained a secret how they were trained in casting theses curses. Only a few wizards knew about this secret.

Snape took three little stones out of his pocket in the shape and size of rubies. They could be transfigured to transform to the shape of a real person and would react in the same manner. The curse would have only an effect on them if cast properly. Snape watched Hermione casting the three Unforgivables without effort and hesitation, her face not betraying any emotion even at the Killing Curse. She had cast that curse before in the final battle, but he had seen how she had suffered being forced to kill someone, though it had been inevitable. This was different; she was different. Severus Snape felt more and more uncomfortable.

Seeing her like this was torture for him. During the past two years, he had tried to convince himself that her feelings had been simply a crush but not real love. He had tried to convince himself that love was for fools, but the only fool in this had been him. He had dreamt of holding her in his arms and had dreamt of her eyes looking at him with love and passion. When he lay awake at night his thoughts came inevitably to the young beautiful woman laughing with him and enjoying their discussions, only to be reminded of her hatred when she had accused him of having lied to her. The conversation with Minerva McGonagall had opened his eyes: Hermione had loved him. He wanted her back, wanted to make her smile at him again, and wanted to smooth away the furrow between her brows and wanted back the warm woman she had been. His love was real and he was determined to do everything to make her his again.

Severus Snape was not a Potions master for nothing.

**A.N.: Don't beat me! Ouch, ouch, another cliffy. Yes, I know, Hermione has jumped to conclusions, but you have to admit that Severus' attempts to gain Hermione's trust are not that clever. He is a great spy, but has no experience with matters of the heart. Hermione is twenty years old and Gryffindor. _She_ would have told him, if she were in his shoes.**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is the final chapter. Please leave a review if you enjoyed this story. If you did not tell me where I could improve. Please keep in mind that I am German and that sometimes my expressions might not be that brilliant though I had a wonderful beta.**

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**Chapter 5**

Severus would make sure Hermione would be his. He watched her carefully and his heart ached. She was about to become like him, leery and showing no emotions to the world. He would not let that happen; he would show her that he loved her. Would she give him another chance?

The next morning, when everybody had finished their breakfast, he wrapped Hermione's cup carefully in his handkerchief. He would need her saliva for a special potion only a few wizards knew about. If the Ministry got wind of this, he would be sent to Azkaban; this was Dark Magic, but Severus could not care less. By adding his own and her saliva, he could create an emotional link to her; the potion could be used to evoke dreams, even to impact part of these dreams and to amplify emotions. He would be able to sense her feelings and would use her dreams to convince her of his love. He did not feel guilty, though he knew it was a type of manipulation. It was easy to slip the potion into her morning tea.

_Severus Snape looking at her with sad and lonely eyes, just standing and watching her there without his usual smirk or sneer...Severus' fathomless eyes looking at her, showing nothing but tenderness...Severus touching her cheek with his fingertips ever so slightly...Severus stroking her hair gently...Severus' lips brushing hers sofly...Severus murmuring sweet words in her ears..._ Hermione woke with a startled gasp. What strange dreams! She had had similar dreams for seven days now, each with the recurring pattern of a Severus who loved her. These dreams probably only came from her subconscious. Hermione did not believe in Divination. A few lessons with Sybil Trelawney had been sufficient to convince her that Divination was pure nonsense - but nearly the same dream seven nights in a row?

Could it be possible that Severus Snape had not deceived her? At first, she had only felt loathing and hatred for him. After their encounter in his lab, he had given her written assignments and had not spoken to her again, but he had not made any venomous or sarcastic remarks either. A chill went down her spine. What if she had been wrong? What if he had felt the same for her as she had for him? What if he had not been able to show his feelings? Hermione knew that Snape was a proud man who did not open himself up. If he had indeed reached for her, he would not try again. It had been two years since that fateful day. It was over. She tried to watch him without attracting attention. _He has been a spy, for Merlin's sake, his face will not betray his emotions. You should know better, watching him will only increase the pain. Your dreams certainly do. If you were wrong and he did not want to ridicule you…he will never talk to you again. Either way you lose._

She could have managed hatred and anger, but now with the possibility that he had longed for her she was devastated. She had to get over him, had to control her emotion. Perhaps a potion could do it. Potions had been one of her favourite subjects, though Severus Snape had done his best to make sure that no one would like the subject. In her seventh year, she had read about a potion which would allow her to handle unwanted emotions. The ingredients were not too expensive; it was a relatively simple potion and not addictive.

Severus sensed her emotion; he sensed the mixture of anger, longing and the increase of desperation. Damn, that did not work the way he had hoped. He had thought these dreams would cause her to talk to him again or even to apologise, but instead she became taciturn and sad and seemed only to push her food around the plate.

Hermione put the little vial with the potion inside her cloak. More and more she felt as if she could not breathe any more in the castle. She had to get outside. The day was cold and misty, but she did not care, only pulled the cloak tightly around her and hurried outside taking the path towards the lake. She did not know how long she walked around, only that it was calm and peaceful outside. She sat down under a tree; it was wet, but she did not notice. The landscape was beautiful and sporadic snowflakes fell from the sky. If only it were so peaceful inside her! She had thought she had got over Severus Snape; it had been a delusion. She had been determined to concentrate on her career and now everywhere in her thoughts the face of Severus Snape appeared. She had to forget him! Hermione pulled the vial out of her pocket, opened the cork and swallowed the liquid hoping this would work. This was her last thought before everything went black.

Something was wrong! Irrespective of the distance between them, he had sensed her feelings for several days and something was amiss now. He looked for Hermione in the castle, but soon learned that she had left. A house-elf had seen her walking towards the lake. He had to find her!

The snow fell more closely now. It was after more than an hour later when at last Severus saw a black heap lying under a tree. It was Hermione, but she was unconscious! He tried to prop her up, tried to wake her, but it was in vain. Her hands were clutching a little vial. What had she done? He took her to Madam Pomfrey immediately, but she remained unconscious. She had been outside in the cold too long and, as Madam Pomfrey had stated, had probably not eaten anything for several days. Normally that would not have been a problem for the matron, but strangely enough, Hermione did not wake up.

She had not eaten for days, but…could there be unknown side effects of his potion he was not aware of? Or perhaps the mixture of these two potions was harmful? The rest of Hermione's potion left in the vial was quickly analysed. He knew this potion; normally it was harmless. But in this case -- she had suffered from her feelings for him but had refused to turn to him and tried to overcome them. Severus scanned the ingredients lists for the two potions and groaned; the boomslang skin together with the periwinkle and her saliva…in her weakened condition…yes, that might be the explanation, but what should he do now?

Severus had only told Madam Pomfrey that he had found Hermione Granger unconscious under a tree near the lake. Everybody had considered it a lucky coincidence. Therefore, the matron was more than astonished when he came to the infirmary later on and sat down on a chair near the bed. No one had ever seen him showing any interest in anyone else. Everything he had done as the head of Slytherin or as a spy for the Order had been done out of duty and never because of emotions like friendship or compassion. The only exception had been Albus, and he was dead now having died in the final battle. Most people considered Severus Snape a man without feelings and without a heart. They would admit grudgingly that he was an honourable man, but nothing more. Nobody liked him, and he did not like anybody. Why would he suddenly show an interest in the young Gryffindor woman?

Severus knew that his behaviour would cause speculations, but he did not care. He sat there for hours looking at Hermione, deep in his thoughts and with a transfixed face, so Madam Pomfrey did not dare to ask him why he would sit there. _I ruin everything, years ago Lily... and now….I should have stayed away from her. What has happened is my fault. _He had to rescue her and he did not give a damn if he risked his own life for this. The only possibility was to drink the mixed potion himself. It was risky, but the only way. Otherwise, there was a danger of her never waking up again.

_Foggy, cloudy, grey...Hermione felt like drowning, as if waves of her emotions washed over her. Sometimes she seemed to reach the surface only to sink again -- happiness, despair, anger, joy, longing -- all these emotions seemed to build up in her together, not one of them gaining the upper hand. It was too much, she felt as if she could not breathe...a hand and then a face, Severus' face, Severus' voice, desperate and soft. _

_'Hermione, you must try to get out, try to reach my hand. It is my fault that you are here, but I love you. It was no lie. I love you. I want you. Come with me, take my hand.'_

_She took his hand and her feelings changed. She felt safe and she..._

...woke. When Hermione opened her eyes, she saw Severus sitting at her bedside and he was indeed holding her hand. Seeing the relief in his eyes and the flash of his smile, she murmured, "Severus..." Then she closed her eyes again, but this time it was different. She was exhausted and her body was craving sleep. When she woke, Severus Snape was still sitting at her bedside. She did not know what had happened, only that she had fainted and that Severus had drawn her out of her unconsciousness. Remembering his words, she flushed.

"Severus, was it a dream or did you really say...?" She halted. _What if it had been the usual dream of the days before?_

His smile faltered and there was a flicker of pain in his eyes as he tensed. "Miss Granger, I see that you are well again. At last, I can get back to my normal tasks. Please try not to faint when you take your next walk or at least try not to bother me." Then he rose abruptly and left.

Hermione lay there her mind racing. After Snape had left, Madam Pomfrey had told her that he had found her unconscious under a tree and that they had tried to wake her. Eventually he returned with a potion, but drank it himself. Then he had reached for her hand, murmuring something. Now Hermione was awake. Madam Pomfrey did not know anything else; Professor Snape had not told her what was going on. She was still puzzled that Professor Snape had sat at Hermione's bed for hours.

There was not doubt that Severus Snape did not want further contact with Hermione. He had shown no reaction at her question, had rather been rude. Yet, it could not have been a dream due to what Madam Pomfrey had told her. He _had_ talked to her and he _had _told her that he loved her, but why would he deny it now?

Severus sat at his desk in his office grading papers. It was late at night. He scribbled his usual sarcastic comments on the essays, not really paying attention to what he was doing. He had been relieved when Hermione had regained consciousness, but now he felt petrified. He blinked, and a silent tear fell from his cheek. _It is my fault that this happened. It was my wish to possess her and to control her. I ruined and destroyed her life as I have always destroyed everything that has value. There is no need to look for dark sides in me -- everything is darkness. There are no second chances, at least not for me. How shall I go on? Why shall I even go on?_ Severus rose.

There was a small bottle, hidden in the back of his storeroom. He had brewed it years ago, shortly before he had turned to Albus Dumbledore in despair. He had not intended to become a spy; he had wanted to end his life. With trembling fingers, he took the dusty bottle out of the rack. It was a most complex potion, the Potion of no Return and he had invented it himself. There was no antidote, and it was untraceable. Albus had made him promise not to use it, but Albus was dead now. Severus would have twenty minutes to dispose of the bottle away before the potion would begin to take effect. When he would be found, it would look like a heart attack. He did not want any rumours and did not want Hermione to know.

Hermione lay in the darkness. The turmoil of her emotion had finally subsided, but now she felt something else -- desperation and self-loathing. Finally she realised these were not her own emotions. Severus! Something must have happened so she could sense his feelings! The potion! She had to get to him. Hermione threw a nightgown over her nightshirt and sneaked towards the Dungeons. She knocked at his office but heard no sound. Should she return? Turning the doorknob carefully she opened the door in increments. Severus' wards were down and the office was dark and empty. Hermione hesitated. She knew the other door led to his personal chambers, but she had never been there. What if something were wrong? The need to know compelled her and she pushed the door open entering the room. In the dim light of a single candle, she saw the dark figure of Severus Snape sitting at the desk, staring at a little vial before him. What was he about to do?

She uttered a startled gasp. Severus raised his head and looked at her for a long time. Finally, he cleared his throat. "What are you doing here, Miss Granger?" he snarled. "There is no justification for invading my personal quarters. I want to be alone and would be grateful if you left immediately. If you just wanted to thank me, I assure you, there is no need. It was a mere coincidence that I could be of help and had the right potion. Please go back to the infirmary at once." He could hear how trite that sounded and her reaction was what he should have expected: her voice desperate but determined.

"Severus, I am no fool, I see what you are about to do. I am not playing games. I know what I have heard was no dream. Is it true what you told me?

"Miss Granger, you are completely wrong in your assumptions. I would have told you anything to get you back out of your coma. Obviously, it helped, and that is what counts. Though it contradicts your Gryffindor code of honor, it worked. You were right in assuming that we have nothing in common and that the two people who wrote each other as pen pals did not survive reality. Just get out, Miss Granger, "Severus replied coldly and rose to guide her to the door.

"Don't Miss Granger me! I don't believe you. Why did you sit at my bed for hours? I saw your eyes, don't lie to me!"

"What do you want to hear?" Severus suddenly roared, "That it was my fault you fell in that state, because I slipped you an illegal potion to enter and control your dreams! That you may have stayed in that coma forever! That I poison and corrupt everything and everyone! That I wanted to make sure you would be mine! That I wanted to possess you, was afraid to lose you again! That I love you! Tactics have ruled my whole life -- the Slytherin ability for deceit is part of me. If you needed proof that it is better to stay away from me, that's it!" He grabbed her violently by her wrists and shook her. Quickly, he released her, disgusted by himself. "Even if you feel something for me, I don't deserve to be loved. As I said, just go," he whispered his voice filled with bitterness. He closed his eyes leaning his forehead against the wall, until he felt her hand on his arm.

"No, Severus, I won't go. Please look at me. I need you and I won't let you go. I thought you lied to me. Please forgive me. I want you, only you. There is no need to deserve my love. I did not choose to love you measuring the advantages and disadvantages. It happened. Our love is all that counts now."

He turned around. Hermione had never see the Potions master cry and was startled to see tears in his eyes. She had often seen him after Voldemort's summoning, worn, tired and hurt, but she had never seen such despair in his face. He looked so beaten, so broken.

"Hermione, obviously I am meant to remain alone. I am not the man you wrote to, I am not the man you met in Cornwall, I am nothing but darkness. The man I presented to you in our letters, he does not exist. You have known the real Severus Snape for years, the mean and manipulative man. I will not change. That is the way I am. You deserve better. Please go," he said in a low hopeless voice.

"Severus, I fell in love with you knowing who you are. My false conclusions led to this disaster. But I love you, I really love you. You are the man I want to talk to, you are the man I want to fight with, you are the only man who has ever made me feel," she pleaded tears welling from her eyes.

Could it be true? He had no experience in matters of the heart. Severus had never let anybody in. He had tried to extend the way he lead his life – the will of power and control - to his love for Hermione. Was this really love? Suddenly, he felt uncertain. But when he thought of her leaving his life, he felt a pain in his heart. He had told her to leave, but he knew he wanted her, wanted her to share his life.

He raised his hand and touched her cheek carefully and tenderly. Despite her words, he was unsure. But she met his gaze and then leaned in his touch, closing her eyes. He drew her near holding her tightly. For a few moments, they stood unmoving only listening to the heartbeat of one another.  
Then Hermione raised her tearstained face up to Severus. "I could not have borne it if I had come too late. When the dreams began I dared to hope and fear at the same time that you love me and I knew for sure when I woke up in the infirmary, though you tried to push me away."

Severus looked in her eyes. She loved him and she was right. Their love was all what counted now.  
Two wasted years because of their misunderstanding! "Hermione, I will never let you go again," he whispered and stroked her hair. "When I realised that you were _Catherine_ I wanted to earn your love and trust, wanted to make up for all I had done to you in the past. I should have told you that I love you. Then you left and I thought that I had lost you for good. Seeing the change in you when you came back was torturous for me. I saw that you were about to become like me. I made wrong choices in my youth, which led to a path I have never really been able to leave. My distrustful personality is part of that. I received no love and had no love to give. I was afraid that you would make the same mistake. For me, it is too late to change, but not for you."

Hermione saw the silent plea in his eyes and replied, "Then love me, Severus, love me." Looking at the man she loved, Hermione was overwhelmed to see the tenderness in his face. The harsh lines she had seen for the past few weeks had disappeared. When she touched him, her skin tingled. The sensation she had felt two years ago had not faded -- on the contrary. And he was hers; this man who was considered ugly, cold and heartless made her shiver from passion.

"Do you know how I have dreamt of this moment?" Severus caressed Hermione's face and traced her lips with his fingers, revelling in the sensation of touching her. She was in his arms; his dream had become reality. He tilted her face up to him and kissed her lips softly. At first, it was only a careful brush against her lips, but then all his pent-up feelings broke free and his lips cupped hers forcefully. He felt her warmth, her softness, and the pleasure of her breasts against his chest. Severus breathed heavily. She was so beautiful, her face flushed and her hair dishevelled! She was all a man could want and he would show her how he loved her.

**Epilogue**

The prissy old maid in the portrait in Severus' bedroom was not amused and glanced over her glasses indignantly. Her great great nephew had brought a _woman_ into his bedroom. Adelina Prince had always been so proud of him. He was studious, did not smoke, did not drink and, up to now, he had been so prudent not to deal with women. Severus was one of the few decent men she knew and now…_Brought_ the woman in his bedroom was a shocking understatement. They had stumbled into the room, knocked over the lamp and had fallen on the bed. They had not even taken the time to fold their clothing neatly on a chair, but had dropped it everywhere on the floor. In the morning, the robes would be completely wrinkled. This woman had torn open Severus' shirt and the buttons had flown in all directions! Oh, she had heard of such behaviour. It was called _passion_ nowadays, but no decent woman would ever behave like that. Poor Severus! Then again, he had seemed to enjoy it. Instead of getting _it_ over with quickly, they had – she dared not even think the word – for hours on the bed. The bed had been a mess and they had become entangled in the sheets. That must have been the reason why they had moved to the floor.

She had never seen Severus sleeping in anything else than his simple grey nightshirts and now he lay sprawled naked over the bed. That was, yes, shocking though she had to admit that he had a nice... erhm…He was lean, perhaps a little too thin; she had always told him to eat more, the good boy. When Severus turned around on the bed, the old witches' face flushed to a magenta colour. He was definitely not _lean_ everywhere. No, that was nothing she would endure for another night. Adelina Prince closed her eyes; she was a reputable woman. She was really very disappointed with her great great nephew and would ask him to hang her portrait in the living-room -- or better yet -- into the kitchen the next morning! Well, maybe not immediately. Adelina opened one eye carefully and peeped at Severus: The boy looked happy -- everywhere. Perhaps this woman was not _that_ bad for him.

When Minerva McGonagall announced the engagement of Severus Snape and Hermione Granger in the Great Hall, a leaden silence fell upon the audience until some of the students and the colleagues regained their presence of mind and applauded. The wedding would take place as soon as Severus and Hermione decided they had wasted enough time.

Severus Snape was stunned when he learned about Minerva McGonagall's reaction to his and Hermione's engagement. Not only did she accept it but welcomed it. "You are the only man I know who will appreciate her intelligence," she said, and Severus understood. This had been something Minerva had been denied in her youth; this had been the reason why she had remained unmarried.

Severus inclined his head and replied, "I appreciate that Hermione has chosen you as her maid of honour." Minerva raised her eyebrow in a manner that was worthy of a Snape and smiled.

"Severus, you have to be careful, you may spoil your reputation with such compliments," she replied, winking.

Harry and Ron had, to put it mildly, been shocked by the invitation to Hermione's wedding. They reproached her how she could marry such a git who had made their life miserable during their whole time at Hogwarts and had never found a kind word for her. Surely, she could find a better husband. Hermione had only lifted her chin belligerently and stated fiercely that they had no right to interfere with her decision and had asked where they had been during the past few years that they felt they could judge her life. Finally, she had made it clear that if Harry and Ron refused to listen to reason, they could stay away from the wedding. But that would be their decision.

It was only a small ceremony. Harry and Ron had finally come around. Hermione was pleased to have her companions of so many years with her, but she had only eyes for her real best friend, her husband Severus Snape. When Severus looked at his bride, he was sure marriage would not be easy for the two of them. Maybe Gryffindors and Slytherins would always need an interpreter. He was sure he would always try to be possessive and to gain the upper hand, but she would teach him and he would let her. She would be the stronger one in their relationship and perhaps this would not be that bad at all.

Hermione Granger radiated happiness. Nothing reminded anyone of the austere woman she had been for the past two years. If the students had hoped that marriage would soften their Potions master too, they were soon proven wrong. Snape remained the terror of Hogwarts only his malevolency gone. He was, well, he was as _severe_ as ever. Most of the students were still startled and failed to see how any woman could marry their dreaded Potions master; he was sour, sullen and a woman had to be blind to find him handsome.

Then again, Hermione Granger Snape was Gryffindor, and Gryffindors had always been famous for their bravery.


End file.
